Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I still Want to Believe

I wish sometimes I could go back to a time when I was really young...when I knew nothing and believed everything.

I remember waking up one night really late, waiting in anticipation for the tooth fairy to come collect her goods in exchange for a small fortune. I could have sworn I heard a tapping sound and I believed it was her sparkly wand tapping at the window, as she cast her magic window- entry spell. I think I was more terrified than I was enchanted.

When my cousin was young, she decided to capitalize on the tooth fairy's generosity. Her grandmother was visiting, and had left her dentures to soak overnight next to the bathroom sink. She woke to find them missing, and after an intensive search throughout the house, where should she find them, but under Kayla's pillow! She was quite the little entrepreneur for a five year old.

When I was three or four, I believed that if a burglar broke into our house in the middle of the night, all I had to to was ask him to be my friend and everything would be ok. I thank my lucky stars I never had to test that theory. The innocence of childhood...

What brings about this train of thought? I saw something earlier this week that left me quite shaken and tearful. It keeps haunting me and I find myself wanting so much to go back to being that little girl who believed that all people are innately good, even if they do horrible things. We humans have such a vast capacity for love, so why does it seem that some unfortunate souls are incapable of feeling empathy or compassion? What is their story? Is it fear? I suppose I will never fully understand, and I guess all I can do to counter such cruelty and hatred, is to love with all my might, all of my heart, every living, breathing, growing, beautiful being until I know nothing else. I believe that what we focus on expands. And I still want to believe that no matter what our story is, we all have goodness inside...we just need a little love.

Is that an over simplified and childish way of looking at the world?
Perhaps, but I would like to dwell there for a little while...

If only I had a tooth to put under my pillow tonight.


  1. i can't even watch the news anymore because i have nightmares and i cry and i hurt ... sigh ... i read the news in chunks when i am feeling strong. i think if we close our eyes and wish hard and look after our own little corner of the earth and take magical photos of diamonds on grass then we find spaces in our hearts where we are little girls who do believe still. you know. hugs!!

  2. Don't you ever stop believing...
    and I shall never stop either.

    The love you convey, and share, and carry, and release, and hope with... it all means so very much to me and to every living thing on this planet.

    Deep inside, the most beautiful thing we can be is that still small child filled with trust and wonderment...
    I feel she is partly responsible for the incredible beauty you capture, and create, and bless us with.

    I choose to embrace her forever, nightmares and day dreams and everything in between.

    I love you beautiful girl!!


  3. OH I hear YOU!!!

    It's so hard to keep believing, but it is so important - it's NOT childish, it's brave and strong. The world needs that energy so badly -

    There is more good in the world than bad - keep believing and keep loving BIG!!!!!

  4. i believe it too. i stopped reading newspapers and watching television and listening to news or even discussing it because it fills my brain with negative energy.

    imagine what would happen if we all believed in good!

    keep on believing.

  5. You make beautiful pictures.
    You say beautiful things.
    You fill the urge in me to see more of this light coming from your being.

  6. I too, try to stay away from the my opinion there is far too much focus on the 'bad' things in this world...definately not enough on the all that is wonderful.

    I honestly think that it is really important to hold onto a little of our childhood innocence...our sense of belief and wonder...and yes, too love BIG!!

    I'm loving this post on this gorgeous Sunday afternoon...

  7. When i struggle to believe I remember how Jesus tells us to believe like little children...inviting them to come to Him...then I sigh out...knowing and feeling that to love (and believe) like little children, is the most honest and profound way to love! then I feel like being and doing some silly childlike things...cause sometimes life is just too serious...and it makes me giggle and appreciate...LIFE!

    And I BELIEVE. xx

  8. I long to have this innocence back too.

    I still believe in so many things but it isn't the innocent, naive belief that I had when I was a child. It isn't that same magical belief and I miss that, I long for that.

    I guess that is part of growing up, that is just part of life. It makes me sad though. It is scary to me, even though perhaps it shouldn't be.

    But perhaps we, as adults, aren't equipped to have that sort of magical, mystical belief in things like children are. I think in many ways we aren't, actually.

    But, at the same time, I think it is important that we seek out and tap into the magical, mystical things that we still CAN believe in, even as adults and endeavor to believe in them and follow that with a passion, with all of our souls. I think that is important too, for our spirits.

    Am I making any good sense? Perhaps not.

    Loved this post. It really resonated with me.


    Karen Beth :)

  9. Beautiful post!

    I know what you mean about the intensely incompassionate people..unfortunately, I've had to deal with a slightly insane, sadistic teacher lately (the kind I thought only existed in books), and..I don't have the answer either. Maybe they were hurt and lost that bit of belief in goodness long ago?

    And encounters with such people prove how much strength is needed to forgive them silently, in your heart..

    And retaining that beautiful sense of love ("love big" :) is so strong of you. Fight the dark with light!!