Tuesday, March 18, 2008


I've been in a state of conflict since my last post. Several times yesterday I wanted to run back to my computer and delete my last post. I felt it was silly and not worthy of putting out there. But something in me refused to touch the delete button. I think that post was necessary and couldn't have come out of me at a better time.

You may have heard of a place in the world where they make beautiful hand woven rugs and they purposefully create a flaw in each rug to express their humility... a way to symbolize the imperfection in all of us. I see my last post as my own little flaw, glitch...a break from the incessant worry that what I write isn't lyrical enough, poetic enough, metaphoric enough...not perfect enough. I've put so much pressure upon myself to try to write well. Whether or not I have succeeded is subjective. But this strive to be "enough" is tiresome. In my everyday life I consider myself to be a very real and honest person, very much an open book, and it's not that I feel I am being dishonest in this new space, because I feel as though I am being very genuine. It's just that I am afraid to go wrong...say the wrong thing, become boring, scatterbrained, weird, too silly, too much this, too much that...whatever. Maybe all of this stems from the fact that I am writing to an unknown. I am writing to people who don't know the real me...I am also writing to a part of myself who hasn't quite figured out who the real me is.

It was very important to me from the beginning to make sure my truest self was being presented here. And that truest self encompasses a whole lot of different sides and angles to my personality. I can be silly at times. I can also be moody, sad, introspective, peaceful, angry, shy, friendly and bubbly, insecure, oversensitive, philosophical, compassionate, and a multitude of other things...just like everyone else.

I've never been much of a writer, and I don't know if I will ever be as passionate about words as I am about pictures. But I do wish to be able to express myself, my many selves. And now that I have created my own *flaw in the rug* I can hopefully continue to be beautifully imperfect, original, quirky, like no other.....myself.


  1. its funny because i loved the last post, it made me smile and giggle a little and i love the green. its funny how we can put so much pressure on ourselves ~ trust me when i say in the almost five years since i've been blogging, oh my gosh, i have posted some goofy stuff, some angry stuff, some very non poetic stuff and some beautiful stuff, some poetic stuff, some stuff that was brave and some stuff that was silly. i think that is part of the joy of blogging, we can throw bits of ourselves down and its all okay.

    it really is. all okay :)

  2. Darlene says it so well, I agree. Scary as hell and sometimes so silly we cringe a bit afterwards, but that is what makes us what we are and what people love about us. I wish I could be more silly like you were, to let go! I admire you starting up so well, you're really doing great! :) And I can't wait to see what else you will be up to. So glad you've decided to join us. Much love, xoxo

  3. I say it's all good...there is no right or wrong here...I'm pretty new to blogging too, and I understand how you feel. Personally, I am embracing the freedom of it.

    I too, smiled at your last post. Green undies...

    I also just visited your website. Absolutely breathtaking!!!


  4. Perfectionism is an evil I suffer from. I suspect that you do as well (I consider myself a 'recovering perfectionist').

    The beauty of blogs is that they are not published books carefully edited by someone else whose goals have more to do with driving sales than expressing ideas. Your blog is YOU and that's what makes it so great. Don't conform the blog to what you think it should be. Just write and let your personality shine through. I think that is what you have done so far and I hope you never hit the delete button.

  5. I wish so much that there were profound words that I could add to all that has so eloquently been said before me :)
    All of it is true, all of it adds to our unique 'humanness'.

    I too struggled so mightily somedays with every single word I wrote, for I too do not consider myself a writer. Just a girl trying to sort it all out as best she can... and always fearing the exact same things you spoke to in your post.

    So guess what beautiful Jaime?

    That makes you just so perfectly imperfect that it leaves me wanting so desperately to hear more.
    To hear it all. To know what your hearts desires are, your fears, your tender longings...
    this is what makes this thing called blogging so beautiful, so frightening, so necessary to soft and gentle creative spirits just trying to make their way...

    you my beautiful, beautiful friend are in very good company indeed.

    love and deep heartfelt squishy hugs...


    ps... almost 100% of the time it is so worth it to NOT hit the delete button :)

    love you...

  6. i'm so happy you visited me, because now I get to come and see you too.

    how easy it is sometimes to show only the good bits of ourselves to others and hide all the yukky bits. i think it's in those moments, when the heart is wide open, that the truest part of ourselves can be seen. and that is where the true beauty lies - in the light and the dark.


  7. dear jamie,
    i just want you to know i was here. i love you still....even more. it is very hard for everyone else to keep up with someone perfect. now we can walk side by side and even hand in hand.

    i'm so glad i saw this post.

    p.s. i love, love the bud bursting forth from it;s papery grey capsule.

  8. Jaime, That's the second time you've said you aren't much of a writer. Not true. Not true!! I love your photography, but I come back again and again. I come all the way back to the start for your writing. You are a poet who happens to work in prose. You are, my friend, you are.