Saturday, September 28, 2013

Still Within, Looking Out


Hello. I'm still here. Somewhere.

An early fall storm has set in, so I am nestled within a blanket, within the warm cosy walls of my home, watching from the inside out. I'm in a cocoon within a cocoon. I believe that is why I love storms so much. They evoke a desire to feel safe and warm and dry. Perhaps I seek the illusion of safety a little too much. Maybe I don't explore enough of the world around me, or take enough risks. Will I regret this one day when I am old and wrinkly, wrapped in a blanket out of necessity rather than comfort?

I've always been a little bit afraid. My earliest memories seem to orbit around the same themes... the world was just too big. There were too many people, there was too much noise, too many demands and too many frightening scenarios that kept toying with my imagination, even my dreams.

Nothing really horrible happened. I think I was just born this way. And maybe that is ok. Surely, we are not all destined to do great things. Maybe my destiny is tucked within the quieter nooks and crannies of this fast-paced, ever-spinning, rapidly changing world. I still believe there is an important place for me within the chaos. I don't need a large space. Small and intimate would do just beautifully.

Have I written about this before? Many times, I think. Writing about it seems to help me find acceptance in the things about myself that I feel are out of the norm. Once my thoughts morph into words, everything seems to feel more solid somehow.

Time for a cup of tea and a little storm watching. The world and all its chaos can keep up its antics... outside my window.

7 comments:

Kleurrijk said...

I still believe there is an important place for me within the chaos.

Yes, there is. I find your photographs very beautiful, delicate, fragile. I think they touch the heart of a lot of people. They touch me.

Kathryn said...

A cozy blanket and a cup of tea, just perfect when a storm sets in . . . in fact perfect at any time. I have a thing for blankets and always snuggle up with one (even during the summer months). Wonder if that's my own form of protection.

Nancy said...

You have a gift of putting words together in such a way as to touch people deeply....you do that for me.....I love visiting you because you are able to express what I can't....You certainly are gifted in two areas...writing and photography....You are blessed and you bless others with your gifts..

Anonymous said...

Your photographs give me a sense of peace and quiet. Like your photographs sustain us 'watchers', our need to look forward to your pictures might be sustaining you. I am taking a four day off from work just to stay home and be cocooned. :)
Jp

Gigi Thibodeau said...

I have been away from here far too long, my friend. I find myself identifying with this whole post, especially when you say, "Writing about it seems to help me find acceptance in the things about myself that I feel are out of the norm." I get this more than I can say.

I'm trying to move away from things in my life that are not fulfilling and come back to things I love, like keeping up on my blog and reading the blogs of people whose work I admire. It's so good to find you here again. xo Gigi

Relyn Lawson said...

I have missed you, my friend. I would say, though, that living well, loving well, being content - in big things or small - is a great thing. Quiet corners or noise streets - contentment is the thing.

thyme Sarah said...

You can do what many people cannot do...give yourself the freedom to not engage 100% with the busy tumultuous world out there. Giving ourselves permission to escape, relax, snuggle, be long with out thoughts seems like a luxury these days to most people. Your words remind me so much of what my daughter would say. She struggles with all of the demands of "getting out there" and finds she often wants to retreat and look at the world from inside out.