Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I still Want to Believe
I wish sometimes I could go back to a time when I was really young...when I knew nothing and believed everything.
I remember waking up one night really late, waiting in anticipation for the tooth fairy to come collect her goods in exchange for a small fortune. I could have sworn I heard a tapping sound and I believed it was her sparkly wand tapping at the window, as she cast her magic window- entry spell. I think I was more terrified than I was enchanted.
When my cousin was young, she decided to capitalize on the tooth fairy's generosity. Her grandmother was visiting, and had left her dentures to soak overnight next to the bathroom sink. She woke to find them missing, and after an intensive search throughout the house, where should she find them, but under Kayla's pillow! She was quite the little entrepreneur for a five year old.
When I was three or four, I believed that if a burglar broke into our house in the middle of the night, all I had to to was ask him to be my friend and everything would be ok. I thank my lucky stars I never had to test that theory. The innocence of childhood...
What brings about this train of thought? I saw something earlier this week that left me quite shaken and tearful. It keeps haunting me and I find myself wanting so much to go back to being that little girl who believed that all people are innately good, even if they do horrible things. We humans have such a vast capacity for love, so why does it seem that some unfortunate souls are incapable of feeling empathy or compassion? What is their story? Is it fear? I suppose I will never fully understand, and I guess all I can do to counter such cruelty and hatred, is to love big...love with all my might, all of my heart, every living, breathing, growing, beautiful being until I know nothing else. I believe that what we focus on expands. And I still want to believe that no matter what our story is, we all have goodness inside...we just need a little love.
Is that an over simplified and childish way of looking at the world?
Perhaps, but I would like to dwell there for a little while...
If only I had a tooth to put under my pillow tonight.