Friday, September 9, 2011

The Sea, She Calls to Me










I love to crush those little sea kelp bobbles under my feet. They make the most incredibly satisfying pop/crunch sound. I must have walked the beach a dozen times over the last three days, crushing every single one in my path.

I studied the sand and was amazed at all the stories it could tell. Man, beast and bird walked this beach before me and left their distinctive mark. Even the rolling waves left behind fine wavy lines along the hard packed wet sand.

The sun warmed my skin in the early morning hours, and the wind-swept fog fiercely blew in to add a bit of drama to the late day. The sun and fog seemed constantly at odds, yet they were so synchronistically beautiful in their unity.

After the stress of the weeks before, visiting my most favourite place on earth was a timely respite. I spent a lot of time on this beach thinking about what matters most in my life. How important connection is... whether it be to loved ones, or loved places, or cherished memories. I learned a long time ago that when I am really down, the one thing that brings me back is connection. I must connect to something ...anything that is meaningful.

And I must thank you all who connected with me last week and left such words of love and support as we waited for Ivy's test results. We now know that she will not need any further therapy. No chemo, no radiation.... in fact, she got to go home! And the prognosis is good. Tumours like this rarely return.

I am slowly making my way to each of you. Taking my time to truly catch up with you and see how you are doing this beautiful September. Fall is on her way, and I can't wait... my favourite season. I am ready to embrace the changes she brings.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Bittersweet






We went to see my brother and his family.... my mom and I. It's becoming a bit of a yearly tradition, this road trip. This summer there was the sweet, delicious charm of my two year old niece Sarai. And her new baby sister Ivy. Little Ivy.... what a beautiful creature she is.

We ate berries and other goodies from the garden. We devoured fresh peach pie. We lingered the afternoons away in hammocks and wished upon fleeting comets as we slept under the stars. We drew on the sidewalk and made friends with imaginary dragons. I held sleeping Ivy in my arms and wrapped myself in the absolute perfection of her soft scent, quiet breath, her peacefulness.

Everything was beautiful.
I'm so glad in that brief space of time I didn't know what was to come. It was three days of ignorant bliss.  I took for granted how good things really were. Or did I? I remember being very acutely aware of how precious this time spent with my family was. How I would always remember exactly how Ivy felt as she slept in my arms, how I would laugh later at the funny things Sarai said. But despite my gratitude, I didn't realise then how fragile life can be, and how quickly things can change.

A couple of weeks later, the world would turn upside down. Last Friday, to be exact... we found out that our little Ivy had a tumour on her kidney. A very large and aggressive tumour. How does this happen? How does a mass the size of a grapefruit grow inside a tiny perfect brand new 7 week old body?

It has been a week of little sleep, agonizing waits... for scans, and test results... and today there was surgery.

And I have to say, after so much angst and worry, I feel as though I am floating off my chair as I type this. Those incredible doctors (magic-makers, really) were able to remove the entire tumour today, along with her kidney... but it was completely contained and hadn't spread to her other organs.

RELIEF.

We still need to wait for test results to see what kind of tumour it is and what steps will need to be taken next...

But. She's ok. She's going to be ok. And the world is slowing turning right side up again. And those beautiful stars will continue to shine. Any wishes I have now have already been fulfilled. What a generous universe.

I think Sarai has it all figured out. She celebrates life every day. You should see this girl dance....



video

Please go here if you would like to see more pictures of my two favourite sweet peas. :)